I’m not sure quite where this post is going to go. All I know is that recently I read an
article that summarised exactly how I was feeling. It was along the lines of Friends: Radiators or Drains?
The article explored how as individuals, we can often have the habit of trying to make friendships work with people that emotionally drain us. The reasons for doing so could be numerous – feeling like you’re a bad person for giving up, fear of being alone, feeling intimidated by that particular person and so on. Regardless of the reason, it’s something many of us do.
With this in mind, the author explained that friends can typically be split into two definitions.
As the name would suggest, drains are the individuals who make your life difficult. Whilst seeming as though they are your friends – drains actually do more harm than good. Whether it’s something as simple as constantly asking you to do favours for them, or using you as their dial-a-therapist regardless of what you’ve got on your plate, friendships with drains require a lot of effort and mental energy.
A common misconception would be to assume that drains are bad people. They’re not. Put simply their goals, personalities, needs are just
Radiators, by contrast, are those that warm your life. Their warmth and love radiate their way through your friendship hassle free and with no strings attached.
Put simply, radiators add value to your life and make you feel energised and positive. Whilst they may go through tough times (as we all do), you are confident in the knowledge that the support given by yourself in these times would be returned and matched whenever the need was on your side.
So what? I hear you ask.
Well, the content of that article has prompted me to make some decisions. It was clear that we should only give ourselves and our time and effort to friendships that make you feel good, and that life is too short to spend time on those who are more than happy to
This might sound obvious, but a lot of people put up with friends that are overbearing, or that treat them like a doormat, or people that actually do nothing for them and expect a boatload back. Whilst we might all have different personal definitions and expectations from friendship, surely we all want to spend less time with those who have an ability to suck the life out of situations!
Admitting that you don’t have many friends feels as thought it is something of a taboo, but I’d much rather have a few friends that add value to my life than a life spent juggling my time between people that drain my time and energy.
The fact of the matter is, if I surround myself with radiators, I’ve more chance of becoming one myself and at the end of the day, isn’t that is what is important – being a good person?